Month: May 2010

Kevin James In New Paul Blart Movie? Wearing Robes, He's In Briefs and He's In Drag!

Mulder

I figure using this blog is my one shot at becoming a Saturday Night Live writer.  So here goes.

Kevin James, after a successful run as the King of Queens, and big screen success with Paul Blart: Mall Cop is back.  And this time he’s in drag.  After his success in saving the mall, Paul Blart starts a private investigator firm and goes deep deep deep undercover as a female lawyer named Elena.  He is so successful that he ends up getting posted to be the Dean of Harvard Business School  His mission almost gets exposed when he get’s nominated by President Barack Obama to be a Supreme Court Justice.

That’s right.  A Supreme Court Justice in…

Paul Blart 2:  Washington Mall Cop.
Kevin JamesElena Kagan

That’s James in the photo above…on the left.

That’s Elena Kagan, Supreme Court Justice nominee on the right. (I swear!!)

Lorne Michaels…you’re welcome.  Just email me at mulder at officiallyscrewed dot com to find out where to send my writer’s fee and residuals whenever Kevin James hosts the show in the future!!

Electoral Reform Reminder

Mulder

This article (thanks Charles Adler for the link) is another reminder for me about how easily our own Canadian electoral system can be manipulated.  I have brought this up several times with friends, family, political allies, MPs, Ministers, etc.  Yet still our system is broken.

You see in Canada you are supposed to be a Canadian Citizen to vote.  Yet our system has so many ways in it that let non Canadians in to vote illegally.

1)  We have a vouching system.  This is when one person has no identification but has a friend who IS on the voter’s list there to vouch for them.  This helps create problem 2.

2)  Once you have been vouched for, you are now on the voting list.  This means the next election, you can then vouch for up to two people who may not be Canadian citizens.  This means that technically one Canadian could vouch for two friends.  One election later, those two non eligible voters could each vouch for two friends. (now we are at 4 ineligble voters).  And then in the third election, we are at potentially 8 ineligible voters.  This reminds me of the old shampoo commercial.  And you’ll tell two friends.  And they’ll tell two friends, and so on.

3)  The glue that binds all these together is the fact that you do not need to show proof of citizenship to vote.  This is simply ridiculous.

The law says you need to be a Canadian citizen yet it offers several ways for non Canadians to sneak in on the system.  In m y opinion,  you should be required to have your citizenship card or passport or a photo ID/Birth Certificate combination to vote.

That’s it.  That’s all.  Anything less to me is unacceptable.

The only way this can really be achieved is to either a) bring back enumeration or b) scrap the voter’s list completely and restart with the current list of provincial birth certificates and federal citizenship and passport lists.  Then EVERYone voting should be required to show proof of citizenship to get a ballot.

Goretesque: A Definition

Mulder

Goretesque: adj. To portend to be an environmentalist and then buy your 4th mansion. ex. “Muffy and Bif are so Goretesque. They just bought an $8.875M home in Montecito as a getaway from their getaway in the French riviera.”

adv.Goretesquely. ex. “He Goretesquely railed against rising oil prices from the front seat of his H3 Hummer.”

Al Gore's newest playpen. You too can have one for $8.875 Million

Sylvester The Cat Elected To Birdcage Safety Panel

Mulder

In the news today, Sylvester the Cat was elected to sit on the panel responsible with determining the safety guidelines and regulations on bird cages. He made it clear that he feels the tensile strength regulations on bird cages are too stringent and that cost reductions can be realized if a thinner material was used for the wireframes. He also felt that all bird cages should be within three feet of the ground for better viewing by children. The panel will be releasing their final report soon.

In a similar story, Homer Simpson was elected to sit on the Board of Directors for the Vegan Society of America. He overcame setbacks such as his past quote “If God didn’t want us to eat meat, he wouldn’t have made it taste so good.” and “MMmmmmm….Porkchops….” He SAYS he’s reformed and the Board felt he was being genuine in his denouncement of the statements.

And additionally, Iran has been elected to the United Nations Commission on Women’s Rights. Mahmoud Ahmadinnerjacket made it clear that the Iranian policy to stone women who have a tan is simply an effort to minimize skin cancer rates in the hot middle eastern country. Three women were not found to refute his testimony on this fact so it must be true.

Talk about being OfficiallyScrewed.

Let Them Eat Lokoumades

Mulder

I’m Canadian but I am also a first generation Greek Canadian. My parents immigrated to Canada in the mid 1960’s and the past few months I have been seething about what is going on in Greece. You see I often joke about the woprldwide recession not affecting Greece because Greece has been in a depression for 100 years.

I guess I was wrong. They CAN sink lower.

The name Papandreou is pretty much dirt to me now. It was dirt to my father when it was Andreas Papandreou and now it is just as distasteful when it is George Papandreou. Their socialist parties have built (or better termed) torn down a nation full of people who now would rather suckle the European teat than to pull their bootstraps up and get to work. Three Generations of Papendreou’s have systematically turned Greece into a 3rd world nation.

When more than 50% of citizens pay no taxes a nation will fail.

When the government spends 13% more than it takes in every day a nation will fail.

And now Greeks won’t let their government cut programs to balance the books.

They expect the EU to bail them out.

I say let them eat lokoumades.

When my parents immigrated they brought with them a sense of national pride. They brought with them a sense of values and a work ethic we see in so many that have immigrated to Canada for a better life.

That sense of pride is now gone. Greeks would rather go begging to the EU with hat in hand. For shame.

I know my father wold roll over in his grave if he knew how low his mother country had sunk.