In the news today, Sylvester the Cat was elected to sit on the panel responsible with determining the safety guidelines and regulations on bird cages. He made it clear that he feels the tensile strength regulations on bird cages are too stringent and that cost reductions can be realized if a thinner material was used for the wireframes. He also felt that all bird cages should be within three feet of the ground for better viewing by children. The panel will be releasing their final report soon.
In a similar story, Homer Simpson was elected to sit on the Board of Directors for the Vegan Society of America. He overcame setbacks such as his past quote “If God didn’t want us to eat meat, he wouldn’t have made it taste so good.” and “MMmmmmm….Porkchops….” He SAYS he’s reformed and the Board felt he was being genuine in his denouncement of the statements.
And additionally, Iran has been elected to the United Nations Commission on Women’s Rights. Mahmoud Ahmadinnerjacket made it clear that the Iranian policy to stone women who have a tan is simply an effort to minimize skin cancer rates in the hot middle eastern country. Three women were not found to refute his testimony on this fact so it must be true.
Talk about being OfficiallyScrewed.