Someone at The Looking Spoon must have had us in mind when they posted this photo. We at OfficiallyScrewed.com wholeheartedly agree.
Guffaw
Old Sea Story
There’s an old sea story about a ship’s Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad.
The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.
The first mate responded, “Aye, aye sir, I’ll see to it immediately!”
The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, “The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear.”
He continued, “Pittman, you change with Jones; McCarthy, you change with Witkowski; and Brown, you change with Schultz.”
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Someone may come along and promise “Change”, but don’t count on things smelling any better.
The Curse Of Michael Buble – 2 Playoff Years (2011-2012) and Counting
Well I must say that although I knew the Curse of Michael Buble was strong and would prevent the Vancouver Canucks from ever winning Lord Stanley’s Cup, I never thought that it would be strong enough to curse the team so that they (a number 1 seed) would lose in 5 games to the lowly 8th seeded Los Angelas Kings.
I think my work this year is complete. And just so you all know what I am referring to, a year ago, in the Stanley Cup finals, when the only Canadian team left was Vancouver, Michael Buble told Canada to get their own team and that the Canucks were Vancouver’s team. Well this got my dander up so I cursed the Vancouver Canucks. i.e. the Curse of Michael Buble. So long as he feels the Canucks bandwagon is not big enough for all Canadians, the Vancouver Canucks shall NEVER win the Stanley Cup.
I gave this the good old triple curse.
First you take your index finger and touch the lid of one closed eye (with the other open) and you say “ACK ACK ACK”. This is the Malochia or Evil Eye. Then you give the Devil’s curse and say “SIX SIX SIX, number of the beast.”
This is all followed by the ultimate sports curse from the movie Caddyshack. This is simple in that you just say “Noonan!!”
Put it all together and you have a very powerful curse. In this case, the Curse of Michael Buble!!!.
“ACK ACK ACK!! SIX SIX SIX! Number of the Beast! NOONAN!!”
So were the Canucks cursed and so they have not won the cup for two years.
Beware the Curse of Michael Buble.
How does this fit on this blog? Because the Canucks are OfficiallyScrewed!!!
p.s. The only Canadian team left is the Ottawa Senators and although I am a Maple Leaf fan, I am cheering them on and am proud to say that their bandwagon IS big enough for anyone who wants to cheer them on. Go Sens Go!!
North Korean Rocket Goes South
North Korea rocket fails. This begs the question…If they are so bad at building rockets should we give them a nuclear warhead to put on one of these poorly designed rockets?
OfficiallyScrewed by McGuinty
This cartoon is EXACTLY why this site is named what it is.
OfficiallyScrewed.com has found Julian Assange
Wikileaks founder Julian Assange is missing. Authorities are searching for him on possible rape charges in Sweden.
OfficiallyScrewed.com feels we have found him.
Below is a picture of Assange.
We believe Assange has been hiding out on the set of Bill Maher’s show.
Below is a picture of Bill Maher.
Comments on the similarities are appreciated.
Watermelon Launcher Lunacy
Sometimes it’s best just to shut up and run the video.
The best part of this is watching it a second time and listening to her teammate tell her to hit the guy “right in the kisser”. Talk about foreshadowing.
Musical Carts – Not Just A Novel Idea
Charles Adler has one of the most sensible minds in Canada. He also has one of the most warped ones which is exactly why I enjoy reading/listening to his views.
First a snippet for you.
At some point, The Menzoid must’ve mistakenly wheeled away a cart belonging to another shopper. Although embarrassed by the error, The Menzoid didn’t want to hold up the line by making the cashier undo the charges. Thus, The Menzoid decided to pay for the groceries and take his misbegotten bounty home.
Trust me…it get’s even better. Click Here to read the whole post.
For Real? Am I The Only One Who Thinks Kevin James Should Play Elena Kagan On SNL Skits?
Kevin James In New Paul Blart Movie? Wearing Robes, He's In Briefs and He's In Drag!
I figure using this blog is my one shot at becoming a Saturday Night Live writer. So here goes.
Kevin James, after a successful run as the King of Queens, and big screen success with Paul Blart: Mall Cop is back. And this time he’s in drag. After his success in saving the mall, Paul Blart starts a private investigator firm and goes deep deep deep undercover as a female lawyer named Elena. He is so successful that he ends up getting posted to be the Dean of Harvard Business School His mission almost gets exposed when he get’s nominated by President Barack Obama to be a Supreme Court Justice.
That’s right. A Supreme Court Justice in…
Paul Blart 2: Washington Mall Cop.
That’s James in the photo above…on the left.
That’s Elena Kagan, Supreme Court Justice nominee on the right. (I swear!!)
Lorne Michaels…you’re welcome. Just email me at mulder at officiallyscrewed dot com to find out where to send my writer’s fee and residuals whenever Kevin James hosts the show in the future!!