Encyclopedia Screwedica

Thanks Ontario Teachers For Making Our Kids More Stupid

Mulder

Ontario Elementary Teachers Federation voted to reduce the number of annual report cards from three to two.

Am I the only one who sees a problem here?

I wonder what my boss would do if me and the other sales guys said we were going to cut our customer visits by 33%. I’ll tell you what they would do. They would fire all our asses.

Once again, the honest taxpayer is getting OfficiallyScrewed.

My wife pays very close attention to the homework the kids are assigned and we work hard to strengthen their basic reading, writing, and math schools.

But how many parents rely on the report cards to determine how their kids are doing? How many kids are going to find the halfway point too late in the year to pull their bootstraps up?

I’m pretty upset at this. How could teachers have possibly gotten by for decades doing three report cards and all of a sudden it is too much?

Perhaps if the schools stopped teaching left wing politics and stopped giving lessons to grade schoolers on how to put a condom on and focussed on the three R’s and the report cards, the world would work just fine and dandy.

Name A Hungarian Bridge

Mulder

Hungary has this amazing suspension bridge that the Hungarian government wants help naming via an online poll. The current leader has over 2 million votes, but with a concerted effort I think we can get the bridge named the Canada Bridge.

I have submitted the name and urge you all to head over to their site, scroll down to Canada Bridge in the list, give the radio button a check and then scroll down and submit your vote.

Note, the site is in Hungarian so you may not understand most of the text but there are some amazing photos of this bridge. It’s a doozy!!

If you want to help spread the word and get the bridge named the Canada Bridge, feel free to link to their site or this blog post and help get the ball rolling.

Currently, there are some pretty whacked out names up there. The Chuck Norris bridge has over 360,000 votes!!! As a nation we can beat Chuck Norris!!!

PM Paul Martin A Shitty Tipper?

Mulder

Talk about a crazy websurf.

I start off reading Steve Janke’s article about a holocaust cartoon contest put on by an Iranian newspaper.

While looking at the list of submitters I see the name Aaron Heineman.

Being a fan of Discover Channel’s Mythbusters starring Jamie Hyneman (I was never sure how he spelled his name), I google the name Aaron Heineman and find myself at a website called “Kiss My Bitter Ass” that has a poor tipper database.

Seeing a couple of celebrities like Chris Rock, Kirsten Dunst and Ted Knight on the list, I start surfing the database for shits and giggles and poof, Paul Martin’s name shows up.

The Shitty Tipper Database!
Tipper’s Name: Paul Martin
Where it happened: Ottawa
Total bill / Tip amount / Percentage: $1556.22 / $0.00 / 0%
What happened:
Former PM and some buddies came in and proceeded to get drunk and loud. I got moved to their table because they were harassing the poor server that had them to the point she was almost in tears.In the end they paid their tab and left a ZERO tip. Even after I ran between their section and my own and made sure they had everything they wanted.I guess when you’re not spending the taxpayers dollars its hard to be generous.Bastard Politicians.

Why do I have a feeling if he was still Prime Minister the tip would have been a heck of a lot bigger?

Disclaimer: The information above is part of a user submitted info database like wikipedia so I take no credit for the accuracy of the tip information or the validity of the statements on the bitterwaitress.com website.

CURE FOUND FOR HIV/AIDS!!!

Mulder

Have you ever gotten those emails with the annual Darwin Award winners? You know the ones that pick winners for the stupidest ways people die? The motto of the winners is “I don’t think, therefore I am not.” They are a classic example of thinning the herd.

I would like to know why they haven’t added “sharing drug needles” or “having unprotected sex” to these lists of insanely stupid ways to die? Instead they teach us to not have a strength contest by hanging on a freeway overpass railing. Or they teach us not to get off a bus moving 60 MPH for a cigarette.

At the International HIV/AIDS conference going on in Toronto Bill Gates gave the cure out, but very few people heard him.

You see, Uganda has dramatically reduced HIV in their nation by implementing something called ABC.

A – Abstinence
B – Be Faithful
C – Condomize

Yet the crowd in Toronto was so upset at the mention of “abstinence” that they booed so loud the B and C parts were drowned out. Every person at the conference who booed and dies of AIDS should be a Darwin Award winner.

Are the attendees at this conference so hard up (pardon the pun) to shove their unprotected peckers between a couple of hairy buns that they would risk their lives for it? I would classify this as Darwin Award winning behaviour, wouldn’t you?

This disease can be licked in a single lifetime. Our lifetime. All that we need to do is follow the ABC method and stop sharing drug needles. We don’t need billions on research for a cure. We already have it.

It’s easy as ABC folks.

Smackdown – Raskolnikov Socks It To Six Nations Wind Claimers

Mulder

Land claims, get your red hot land claims here.

Caledonia has been spoken for. Crown land in Ottawa’s Green Belt has been spoken for. And now a windfarm near Shelburne has been spoken for.

The Six Nations Confederacy is interfering with the development of a wind farm on land owned by Canadian Hydro and says both the land and the wind that passes over it are the rightful property of Aboriginal Peoples.

When someone starts claiming the wind that goes over land in a land claim, I have to draw the line. That would be a wind claim and falls under a completely different legal claim.

I am very familiar with wind claims because I eat a lot of broccoli. When I let one rip in the car and my wife and kids start gasping for breath, I don’t hide the fact the air they are breathing is mine. I proudly pipe up (no pun intended) and tell them: “That was me.” Because I am proud of the wind I break.

Natives claiming Mother Nature’s farts are theirs just sounds moronic. What’s next? The gas in tanks under filling stations? The electricity produced at Churchill or Niagara Falls?

Raskolnikov over at DustMyBroom calls the land claimers out with the precision of a veteran lawyer.

If they own the wind, does that mean non-Indians can sue them the next time a big gust takes down a tree and it goes through someone’s roof or car?

I think all those people who own cottages up in Muskoka could probably get back all that money taxpayers put into Indian Affairs after that storm that blew through a week or so ago.

Is It All About Religion? Or Just About The Money?

Mulder

Many believe that there is a war going on between radical Islam and Western values. Is it truly a battle of philosophy and religion? I am curious how many people wonder about what drives the price of oil up?

Instability. So let’s look at the top 10 nations by oil reserves.(in billions of barrels)

1. Saudi Arabia (264.3) – Terrorists from 9/11 were primarily Saudi Arabs. What better way to keep the House of Saud rolling in cash than to support terrorism under the table.

2. Canada (178.8) – For 13 years Chretien ruled with an iron fist that tossed cash out left right and center buying votes. Adscam, HRDC, Gun Registry, etc. All the money that could have paid off our debt and reinforced our armed forces blown on cash envelopes and monogrammed golfballs.

3. Iran (132.5) – Spawned Hezbollah and support terrorism openly.

4. Iraq (115.0) – Saddam supported terrorists and ruled with an iron fist to control the oil money.

5. Kuwait (101.5) – A tiny friend among giants.

6. United Arab Emirates (97.8) – Another tiny friend among giants.

7. Venezuela (79.7) – Hugo Chavez is pushing limits of sanity and joining forces with Iran and Russia.

8. Russia (60.0) – Don’t be fooled by Putin’s G8 Status and friendly trade pacts. Putin likes the instability in the middle east which is why the Russians are indirectly supporting nations where terrorists tend to breed.

9. Libya (39.1) – We know what Colonel Muammar al-Gaddafi’s nation did for terrorism in the 70’s and 80’s before Ronnie Reagan bombed his home, killing his daughter and putting the Libyan terrorism on hold.

10. Nigeria (35.9) – A nation ruled by military generals for decades before the people stepped up and put a civilian (Olusegun Obasanjo) in charge. Just when the nation is looking to be turning a corner, rumours are starting that Al Qaeda has moved their base from Afghanistan to Nigeria.

Breaking down these top ten nations we have 6 that have been indirectly involved in destabilizing the oil supplies of the world which lead to higher oil prices. You can almost toss Russia into the mix due to their support via weapon sales to many of the other nations on this list, including Iraq. (just think SCUD missiles).

This leaves Kuwait, the United Arab Emirates, and Canada.

Our current government’s stance against terrorism is a refreshing change from the previous governments wishy washy approach. Bravo Stephen Harper.  Previous PM Paul Martin has received kudos for getting Canada back on track financially when he was the Finance Minister, but he also had a tripling of oil prices since 1999 to ride and the huge tax surpluses created when big oil started raking in the dough.

So when you go fill your tank up and think it is because of a religious war going on overseas, you might want to rethink what the wars and terrorism are really all about.

Follow the money.

Reuters Picture Booboo Might Be Worse Than First Reported

Mulder

Being away from civilization for a few days and I am still catching up but I noticed something today regarding the doctored images by a Reuters freelance photographer, Adnan Hajj.

“Manipulating photographs in this way is entirely unacceptable and contrary to all the principles consistently held by Reuters throughout its long and distinguished history. It undermines not only our reputation but also the good name of all our photographers,” Szlukovenyi said.

“This doesn’t mean that every one of his 920 photographs in our database was altered. We know that not to be the case from the majority of images we have looked at so far but we need to act swiftly and in a precautionary manner.”

(emphasis mine)

Either the speaker of the above words, Global Picture Editor Tom Szlukovenyi, needs to take a few language courses, or he is trying to hide something.

Why would they need to qualify that not EVERY ONE of his 920 photographs in their database was altered?

Why would they say they know this is not the case from the MAJORITY of images looked at so far? Majority implies anything from 1 more than half all the way up to all of the images.

i.e. Tom’s words could easily imply that as many as 459 of the photos taken by Adnan Hajj may be doctored. This is obviously not the case, but why would Reuters not come out and say after a thorough analysis, they found X number of photos were doctored and print a retraction on all the doctored photos?

Embryonic, Adult, and Umbilical Cord Stem Cells … WTF Is The Difference?

Mulder

In light of President George Bush’s virginal veto last week, I thought Lucy might need some ‘splainin’.

I hope Ann Coulter doesn’t sue me for quoting from her new book but here is a major difference.

A short list of successful treatments achieved by adult stem cells are these:

  • Rebuilding livers wracked by otherwise irreversible cirrhosis
  • Repairing spinal cord injuries by using stem cells from nasal and sinus regions
  • Completely reversing Type I diabetes in mice using adult spleen cells
  • Putting Crohn’s disease into remission with the patient’s own blood stem cells
  • Putting lupus into remission using stem cells from the patient’s bloodstream
  • Treating sickle-cell anemia using stem cells from Umbilical Cord blood
  • Repairing the heart muscles in patients with congestive heart failure using adult stem cells from bone marrow
  • Repairing heart attack damage with the patient’s own blood stem cells
  • Restoring bone marrow in cancer patients using stem cells from umbilical cord blood
  • Restoring weak heart muscles using immature skeletal muscle cells
  • Putting leukemia into remission using umbilical cord blood
  • healing bone fractures with bone marrow cells
  • Restoring sight in blind people using ocular surface stem cell transplant and a cornea transplant
  • Treating urinary incontinence using stem cells from underarm muscle
  • Reversing severe combined immunodeficiency (SCID) with genetically modified adult stem cells
  • Restoring blood circulation in legs with bone marrow stem cells

Meanwhile, embryonic stem cells have never cured anything in any living creature.

(bolded emphasis above is mine)

It is obvious that embryonic stem cells have done Bo Diddley (not to mention Christopher Reeves) squat.

UN Resolutions At The Heart Of The Crisis 1559 And 485. What The Hell Are They?

Mulder

Nothing like a few rockets and missiles to make an average Joe go digging for facts. Wikipedia is a great source. The two UN resolutions I hear quoted most throughout this conflict are 1559 and 485.

Fact:

United Nations Security Council Resolution 1559 was a resolution adopted by the United Nations Security Council on September 2, 2004. It called upon Syria to end its military presence in Lebanon by withdrawing its forces and to cease intervening in internal Lebanese politics. The resolution also called on all Lebanese militias (including Hezbollah) to disband.

Fiction:

Israel is ALSO in violation of UN Resolutions regarding the Farms of Shebaa. (I heard this one on CFRA yesterday from a caller)

Fact:

Israel’s view is that the area is not covered by United Nations UN Security Council Resolution 425 that governs its withdrawal from southern Lebanon. That resolution asks for Israel to withdraw from Lebanon according to the line its forces were positioned at before the May 14, 1978 invasion.

The United Nations and most of the world community, including Israel, agree that Shebaa Farms is part of Syria.

The United Nations looked at more than ninety different maps of the region. Only one of them—which was deemed a forgery—showed the Sheba’a Farms as Lebanese.

With the UN determining the Farms of Shebaa are part of Syria, and Syria making no effort to change maps or draw the line in the sand regarding where the border between them and Lebanon is, the Israelis were found to have adhered to Resolution 485 by the UN.