You either pay attention or pay through the nose. I would rather pay attention.
Today I went to my favourite sushi place and ordered a rainbow roll. I was expecting to see the roll appear with a nice blend of colours across the plate and sink my teeth into some nice raw fish with some ginger and wasabi.
The chef did his thing but by the time it got from the sushi bar to my table it looked like this.
Global warming cooked my sushi.
I’m not making this up … I’m not allowed to do that.
Churches have lots of candles.
In recent years, the number of churches going up in flames has increased.
The primary reason is believed to be “limp wick” syndrome made popular by Al Gore. (Unlike the opposite syndrome which Bill Clinton suffers from.)
“Limp wick” is when warm air causes candles to tip over spilling wax and red hot wicks to the ground igniting carpeting. Due to the rise in this syndrome fire departments all across the world are closing up churches.
“Limp wick” is attributed to Global Warming.
I can’t make this up … I’m not allowed to do that.
Parents around the world prepare baby formula in a consistent manner to feed their newborns.
Hundreds of millions of forearm tests indicate the formula is perfect body temperature.
But by the time the bottle reaches the babies mouth, the formula has heated up and burned the babies.
Environmental scientists have concluded this can only be attributed to Global Warming.
I’m not making this up … I’m not allowed to do that.
For decades now, people have been spontaneously combusting.
Environmental scientists have now concluded that the cause is …
Global Warming!!!
I can’t make this up … I’m not allowed to do that.
A citizen filled their tires up to the appropriate pressure level.
The air in the tire unexpectedly expanded and caused a blow out.
It was confirmed that global warming caused the blow out.
I’m not making this up … I’m not allowed to do that.
Today I ordered a steak medium rare and it showed up well done.
The chef swears he cooked it the same way he always does.
Global warming overcooked my steak.
I’m not making this up…I’m not allowed to do that.
Today a Canadian went into a suntan parlour for their regular tanning session.
Global warming sunburned them.
I’m not making this up … I’m not allowed to do that
(what has global warming done to you?)
You can thank my sister in Toronto for this one. This was especially gratifying since Spidey has been my favourite superhero since watching the old classic cartoon series every morning as a child. Thank you CHCH for making sure I got my daily dose of Spidey and Rocket Robin Hood.
You can Click here to take the “Which Superhero are you?” quiz…
…Crossed with my Baldness, Business Sense, and Thirst for Power!!
This one was almost a given … although there is something sinister about being closely matched with Dr. Doom that is appealing too!!
You can Click here to take the “Which Super Villain are you?” quiz…
From the “Things that cross my mind just before I fall asleep” department …
If the opposite of “inconvenient” is “convenient” and the opposite of “truth” is “lie”, then by the rule that two negatives are a positive, can we conclude that Al Gore’s movie/book is actually titled “A Convenient Lie”?
Hmmmm…..
This is priceless. H/T What’s Right is Right
Click the image below ONCE to start the video.
Ok, so maybe it’s my favourite clip from SouthPark.
If you have any trouble viewing the above video, try clicking the link below.
I simply can’t take it anymore. Someone tell me what the exit strategy is because I am getting tired of hearing about it on every media outlet.