Guffaw

In a busy Parisian cafe, a tourist is sitting alone, enjoying a crème caramel. Another tourist approaches:

Me sit here?

No problem…

Thank you, very nice…

Are you on vacation?

Me, I arrive yesterday…

What country are you from?

Norway. You?

From Quebec.

Quebec? Me not know Quebec…

Quebec… near the Atlantic, next to Ontario, the Great Lakes…

No, me not know these places.

Never mind then, I’m from Canada…

Ah! Canada! Canada I know! So why you tell me you come from Quebec?

Because, my first country is Quebec!

Oh, you were born in Quebec and immigrated to Canada….

No, no, I was born in Quebec and I stay in Quebec…

Oh, then your father is from Canada?

No, no, my father, my mother, my wife, my dog, everybody, they come from Quebec…

So why you say Canada?

For Christ sake, because you say you don’t know where is Quebec!

OK, but if you say you not know Norway, me I not say that my country is Japan…

Crap! Canada isn’t Japan. Canada, it’s my country.

Oh, your country not Quebec anymore?

My country is Quebec. But my country, it can be Canada too, if the
person I speak to not know where is Quebec, Tabarnak!

Me not understand…

Look, it’s simple: I come from the Province of Quebec, in the country of Canada.

Ok! But me not ask you what province you’re from, I ask you what country. Me, I come from Lofoten region in Norway, but I answer you Norway when you ask me what country I come from…

I know, I’m not stupid, Coulisse! But me, when they ask me what country I come from, I answer Quebec. Even if it’s the name of my province. For me, it’s my country.

Oh, now I understand. You are a separatist, you want your Quebec province to be your country…

Are you crazy, Hostie? I don’t want to know nothing from that crap!

Me, I not understand anything anymore.

I tell you before, it’s simple! You ask me what country I come from, I answer Quebec because Quebec is my country, but I don’t really want it to be my country, it would be too much trouble. I just want to say it. So, why don’t you just let me say it?

Me all mix up. You have passport from what country: Quebec or Canada?

CANADA, Hostie!

So why you not tell me Canada right away?

Because it don’t feel right. For me, Canada is Anne Murray, the Calgary Stampede, the Mounted Police, SARS, it’s not my home all that. Home, it’s La Famille Plouffe, Saraphin Poudrier, La P’tite Vie, Falix Leclerc, La Poune, Les Canadiens de Montreal, Les Bougons… Do you understand???

Less and less…

Listen, forget all that crap. Ask me another question.

Ok, what town you come from?

Mmm…, I don’t know anymore…

You not know what town you come from?

Yes, yes, I know what town I come from, but my town it merge with another town, but soon it is going to demerge from the town that was supposed to be my town…

Oh, that very complicated! When you write your address, what do you write?

I don’t know anymore. Before, I used to write Hull, but Hull changed to Gatineau, but they tell us to wait 3 years before stopping to write Hull to not mix up the mailman. But now, the Liberals they pass a law that make it ok for Gatineau to be Hull again, but I don’t know if we have to wait 3 years to be able to write Hull, or when the 3 years are passed, if we have to write Gatineau for 3 years, and after we write Hull. Unless, of course, the PQ come back in power and we remerge with Gatineau, then we’ll have to write Gatineau for 3 years.

I leave now; I have hurt in my head…

It’s so simple Tabarnak: My town is Hull, my country is Quebec. But if you prefer, my town is Gatineau and my country is Canada.

OK, I think I understand!

It’s about time. Anyway, it was fun talking to you, if you come around where I live; maybe you come and see me…

OK, but where? Hull in Quebec? Or Gatineau in Canada?

You’re a pain in the ass. Forget the whole thing

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H/T to my friend Sandy

It’s time for a chuckle.

I received the commentary below from a past boss and friend, an American conservative. It made me laugh enough that I just had to put it up for you all to read and enjoy. I did touch up the last two paragraphs for continuity of making it a blog vs. an email but other than that, it is intact as it appeared in my inbox.

Thanks Pete.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst forthe splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals; and 2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.

That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing.

This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.

The rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, grouphugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.

Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.

Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat redmeat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before clicking the “Email This Post” button below and forwarding on to friends.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be clicking the “Email This Post” link below to forward immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.