It’s time for a chuckle.
I received the commentary below from a past boss and friend, an American conservative. It made me laugh enough that I just had to put it up for you all to read and enjoy. I did touch up the last two paragraphs for continuity of making it a blog vs. an email but other than that, it is intact as it appeared in my inbox.
Thanks Pete.
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst forthe splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals; and 2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That’s how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing.
This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
The rest became known as girliemen.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, grouphugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat redmeat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today’s lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before clicking the “Email This Post” button below and forwarding on to friends.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be clicking the “Email This Post” link below to forward immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
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Tanks’ for that!
😉
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Under liberal achievments you left out
a) confronting the nazis (lest we forget that the republicans at the time were nazi sympathizers)
b) equal rights for women and minorities (still a sore point I know)
c) keep nukes out of cuba
d) putting a man on the moon
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Jose, (#2) I think you have generalized a bit.
On point a) Was it not Alger Hiss, now a known traitor and spy sitting next to Roosevelt when he sat down at Yalta and signed away half of Europe to communism? You can also click on the Venona link to the left for much more.
Weren’t the Rosenberg’s also Democrats? You remember them right?
You also forgot running like girliemen when the blackhawk went down in Somalia.
You forgot bombing Libya the night before Clinton’s impeachment to distract the press.
Lest we also forget who won the cold war. Ronald Reagan and the Pope.
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jose…did you miss the part about ‘time for a chuckle’?
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Hmmm.. Liberals can’t say anything nice about anyone, so they dump on Conservatives.
Their power over people rests with the fine art of projecting past guilt, thereby rendering all Conservative argument irrelevant.
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Yo! Jose!:
Re: “Equal Rights for minorities.” THIS part is NOT a joke.
Check out US history. ref: Voter registration drives in the south. Selma Alabama, Mongomery,etc. Sherriff “Bull” Connors and his killer dogs attacking the white supporters AS WELL AS the black activists.
Dear Mr. Connors happened to be none other than the Chairman of the Democratic National Committee.
It might truly have been equal rights if the downtrodden, oppressed, disenfranchised Blacks also actually had dogs, whips, billy clubs, cattle prods, fire hoses and tear gas. Just like the girlieman Sherriff and his redneck goons.
Girliemen with dogs. That’s the progressive/democratic/liberal way, all right, fer sure, eh dude?
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“Hmmm.. Liberals can’t say anything nice about anyone, so they dump on Conservatives.”
Methinks there’s plenty of invective (most of their commentary is actually) flung from the right too.
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Hmm….I’ve never though of things that way…..and yet it explains so much!
Things like masochism..”Girlie Men provoke conservatives to get attention …start crying when attention is unpleasant!”
Men eat meat Liberals just suck it!