How could we have been so wrong about Zacarias Moussaoui and his role in the September 11th attacks? I am just dumbstruck that we would tie him to that fateful day. We obviously must be drastically wrong. How do I know this? Cuz Osama says so. And we all know how honourable a man he is. (Ahhhhhh-Choooooobullshitooooooooo)
Ok, Ok. Let me take my tongue out of my cheek for a minute.
Mr. bin Laden, will you please take the stand? I would gladly accept your testimony in the case of Moussaoui if you would just show up in court on the appropriate date. We would dearly love to enter your words as an expert on knowing who is a terrorist and who is not. The FBI, CIA, Homeland Security, Interpol, CSIS, Mossad, MI5 and 6, and whoever else has helped put the story together must have their facts wrong. The Bush administration would be glad to pay for your airfare to the trial location, all meals paid for. They might even spring for your dialysis while travelling and I would be positively CERTAIN that your hotel stay would be paid for … indefinately.
Please come and testify. Moussauoi needs you. America needs you. Guantanamo needs you. A big bald 400 lb guy named Bubba needs you … as a cellmate.
All you need to do is pick up an unsecure phone, dial 911 and tell the dispatcher where you are. I think they would glad to send over a personal escort with armed security guards and all the perks I even bet that if you ask nicely, they would let you flick the switch that turns on the siren and lights. Wouldn’t that be neat?